lingeringfear | NPC Inbox: Fear

[In that moment, he believes her. Suddenly, fiercely, because Sharon is a thorn in their sides and she advocates for their death and destruction on a daily basis, but she's smart. He knows that she recognizes the larger picture here, even if it kills her to do it. He knows that this doesn't mean a truce between them, but the enemy of my enemy...]

Alright.

[He nods, closing his eyes for a moment. This next part won't be easy for either of them.]

Then you have to be prepared for when they offer you a way home.

Offer me...? [ It's clearly not going to be a good offer to accept, she bets. ] Why?

[ Why does she need to prepare? And what's going to happen? And why do they have to do this conversation in his temple because it's so not helping her nerves. ]

It's what you want, isn't it?

[His voice is quiet, thoughtful.]

Some of you have said as much already. They'll dangle it in front of you and everyone else to encourage betrayal.

[ Wait, what?

Sharon clearly wasn't expecting that. Her expression shifts through a wide range of emotion, a moment of serious consideration of accepting that offer but then she remembers that her goals have... changed since the first time she arrived. Sure, going back to her father and Vincent would be nice but they'd all end up on the run after, probably for forever. And then there are the people she's gotten close to here, friends closer than family, and some of them even closer than that. As loathe as she is to admit it, she's had more of a normal life here than home. Fuck. ]

...That's not what I want any more. [ It's like ripping off a band-aid but one that's been there way too long. She doesn't want her father to show up one day, or Vincent, or Rose. She doesn't really want anyone from home to come through the Door, as often as she longs for her adoptive family, she's found a new one here.

She is now tied to new people: real people. People that understand her. People that actually like her. People that aren't afraid of her, as frustrating as that can be some times. And it isn't as if she hasn't considered what it would be like to have some sort of symbiotic relationship with the gods instead of their strange current state (the things that happen here can really fuck up their mental state so most people adopt an attitude of carelessness, about death, about life, about people coming and going).

She pinches her lower lip tight between her teeth a moment, the twinge of pain a reality check. She may not want to go home but she sure as hell doesn't want to continue to be a doll to be tugged about. ]

So, what do you want me to do? [ Her brows are curled in tightly. It would be great to really see Christopher and Vincent again but, even if that were something the Null were capable of, she can't see herself accepting it at the cost of what she's managed to hobble together here. ]

Though, first, I guess I should ask if that's something they can even do. You already know that there are people that will accept. People hate you guys. [ A little blunt but, y'know, it's the truth. ]

Is that so?

[He's surprised- truly. Going home has always been Sharon's first priority, and after all the talk about the people he's ripped her away from and how much she hates it here, it's difficult for Fear to realign himself with her goals now. If Sharon can no longer be tempted by an offer to return her to her own world, then she'd likely be able to resist any other offer they gave her.

It's not that Fear doesn't trust her, but rather that he knows her- she's loyal, but harbors a grudge that nobody could blame her for. She's passionate, but can be cruel. With this, she's proving to be more rational than he'd initially given her credit for.

Honestly, though, it shouldn't be surprising. He remembers the split event, and her coolheaded assistance with that. That was unexpected. This is a continuation of her defying his expectations.

He can't say he dislikes it.]

Can they send people home? Hm. [He shrugs, halfheartedly.] I only knew how to activate it from what Sorrow told me. There are many pieces to it that I don't understand- I couldn't send you home if I wanted to.

[But.]

They're smart, and capable of utilizing more brainpower than everyone in this city put together. I wouldn't put it past them to figure out how the Door works. As for you... [Fear's brows furrow together when he gets to that, and he looks toward Sharon with an expression that might actually be something resembling concern.] ...you shouldn't get mixed up in this. They'll repay betrayal with brutality, and if anything happens to Hope- well, there'd be no coming back after that.

[ It's clear she's caught him off-guard—but, truly, no more than herself. She's always been a vocal opponent of the gods, largely ignoring their wants, needs, goals, or desires in favor of butting heads. But people can change.

And she's changed a lot.

Maybe that's to be expected after the amount of time she's been here; hell, she's been here longer than she's been to any school or lived in any house—not since childhood and Alessa. Fuck, maybe it's some form Stockholm Syndrome she's developed. Or maybe it doesn't really fucking matter.

The show of what appears to be concern on his features twists at something in her. Is he playing her? Does he care or is this just new way to get something from her? She keeps from narrowing her eyes but her lips thin. Cecily would no doubt be on her guard after that but she's not Cecily and Cecily doesn't know Fear, at least not in the way she knows him. ]

You sound like you might care. [ A hint of teasing, a test of the waters, but there's definite fear. Not that he might care but these Null, these things that she's pretty certain a Not Good in a way much worse than the gods, scare her. But she's not afraid of what they could do to her. She can handle anything. She thinks. ]

I've always been a pretty vocal opponent. If they're incapable of recovering our previous conversations, despite their obvious intrusion into Hope's intranet, I'd be the perfect person here to play backstabber. I did help when the Null first attacked but I've always been a really really good liar.

I could do it. [ a pause and now she's more certain, hard blue eyes on his, so he can see her determination—blind or not. She will do whatever it takes to protect her small family here. Burn the world. Kill the gods. Summon another reality. Die. Whatever it takes. ] I could.

[He bristles at that, defensive of his nonchalance even when both of them ought to be pretty far past that by now. Fear isn't sure if he'd admit to caring- at least not in such open terms- and so being accused of it makes him frown and open his mouth to defend himself.

He doesn't need to though, at least not now, because Sharon is continuing her thoughts on the Null, and about the part she could play in the upcoming disaster. Fear doesn't like it- it puts her in danger, and he doesn't think that she'll get out of it easily, despite her insistence otherwise.]

I'm not saying you couldn't.

[Might as well agree with her on that part. He looks away, his jaw set, and for a moment it seems like he'll argue with her again, but what more can he say? He's shown too much of his hand here already, and so Fear diverts, letting out a defeated sigh.]

They're too smart to blindly trust anyone. I'm sure they'll ask you to prove it. Lying is one thing, but you're asking for me to let you walk a delicate line- what if they tell you to kill one of your own? What if they give you weapons to harm us?

[There's a pause, and then he looks toward her directly, his mouth set in a thin line.]

If you had such a weapon, would you use it to prove your loyalty? On us? [He presses.] On Sorrow?

[ Sharon notices the way he looks away and the set of his jaw, taking the look as clearly not interested in arguing something he may see as ridiculous (or maybe it was her who didn't want an answer to such a statement). ]

You realize I'd have to do something to earn their trust, don't you? I'm not saying I want to do this just so I can turn around and fuck you and everyone I've ever come to care about over. [ She feels as if she's saying too much, giving away too much, but the words come toppling out one after another, her tongue unwilling to quit. ]

I've got things I've never even dreamed about here. [ She throws her hands in the air a moment before they fall back to her sides ] Fuck, I think this is the first time since I was fifteen that I've been in a single place for more than a year; since I got to be me and not some fucking invisible person with a dead girl's name.

I fucking hate the things you guys do to us but this is the only place I've found a home in and I am not about to let some stupid, unfeeling robots try and destroy some of the only good things I've ever had!

I know, Sharon-

[He takes a small step forward- like maybe he's going to reach out to her, reassure her in some way... but that would offset the balance between them, turn this into something else, and so he holds himself back, steels himself, and nods once.]

I know.

[More firm this time. Fear lets the silence stretch for a moment.]

...if we can make it through this- if we can survive, escape somehow, I know that Hope wants to resurrect the other hosts. We'll have power from them and we won't need to torment all of you anymore. If that happens, [And that's a big if, but they both know how slim their chances are here-] -maybe you could stay. With your friends.

[It's something to imagine anyway, some odd future to hope for and move toward, and if they can get themselves aligned with the same goal, then there's less chance of betrayal on either side.]

With us.

[ Every muscle in Sharon tenses when he moves forward, preparing herself for anything—every possibility slamming through her head, most of them ill, but she knows what Fear was more likely going to do and she's uncertain if that bothers her more or less than the nightmare scenarios she creates in her head.

It's clear that their relationship has changed, evolved, but Sharon isn't sure how, why, or if that's a good thing or not. ]

Why would Sorrow not want to use us if we're here? Your previous hosts weren't the same as we were, right? Couldn't produce the same amount of emotional output as we can? [ She wants to hope for that kind of future. Sure, she'd miss her dad, but he's safe now. She could find happiness here, even if it means looking past what's been done (if she even can). ]

[He shakes his head.]

They could provide more than you, and without all of these manipulations. That's the reason we put you through these trials- to force you to feel at the sort of magnitude that our previous hosts gave us freely.

[He can't blame her for the misconception, though- himself and the other gods have been quiet when it came to the previous hosts. There's a lot of pain in that direction, a lot of guilt, a lot of despair. Hope moreso than anyone else, but Fear loved them too, and it still feels like an open wound.]

Sorrow could be convinced to leave you alone- especially if he's already getting his power elsewhere. When we're not clamoring for it, we have no desire to accumulate an excess.

[ She can't see anyone or anything giving up their wounds and pains, joys and desires, up so freely but what does she know other than what humans do. Perhaps those hosts were happy where they were at. Or perhaps Fear is lying (Never trust him, she can hear Cecily whisper in her ear). ]

I'm curious: why do you need power? Right now, it's to keep out of the Null's hands. Why do you need power? To create? Or just to exist? [ This may seem off topic but she's loosened up quite a bit, brows drawn down as she reads his face. He says they could be free to live but Sharon has always been the cautious, paranoid sort of girl. ]

In general?

[Fear purses his lips curiously.]

Creation, yes. Our hosts were not as self reliant as you. Hope cured their wounds, Sorrow provided food for them, Tranquility and Confusion built homes for them- all manner of things.

[It really was the perfect sort of match- a species with limited ability to care for themselves capable of freely offering power to the type of beings that could care for them. One has to wonder if it was always like that, or if there was a sort of evolution that happened to allow them to coexist more seamlessly.

Fear doesn't know. It's not like there's any written records.]

We took care of them with the power they gave us. Though I'll admit that some of us had more responsibilities and were more prominent than others. [He offers her a wry smile.] Hope and I were pretty overlooked before it fell to us to save everyone.

[ The previous hosts sound... dull but, if it's what worked for them, if it was mutual, then that's all right. It hasn't really been mutual between many of them since Fear opened the Door. She worries her lower lip with her teeth and can taste the dull mint after taste of mouthwash (luuucky find). ]

You'd think you and Hope would be the most prominent of them all. It's what drives humanity. Hope, Fear, Love.

They weren't like you.

[Though that's probably clear by now. Talking about the hosts is sad though, and so Fear takes a moment to reflect on the conversation, on the differences between their former companions and these strange creatures.]

Love, though- Love was stronger then.

[ She rolls her eyes at him. She was more than well aware that the previous hosts weren't like them but that thing on Love gives her a moment to consider what that meant or means. Love is a natural emotion that humans have when certain conditions are met. Most love comes from being part of a family that cares. Then you've got the more special versions, like what she holds for Mello.

Sherlock Syndrome, too. Is that where her affection and care for Fear comes from? Has she been here so long her brain's finally decided to screw her? ]

Yeah, I imagine it would be when you have your family and people you care for by your side instead of absolute strangers and the constant knowing that tomorrow you could hate them or hurt them or love them. Plus, it's not like love is what keeps you out of the hands of your enemy.

All of this is true.

[He nods, solemn.]

We were a community. Not like we are with you- someday, maybe, if enough of you want to stay.

I think most of us would rather stay here, where the people we love can still live, but not if you... not if you just want us here as extras for your survival; not if we're just here to be used, not again. We need honesty and... and, fuck, I don't know.

[ Her gaze lands on the smooth stone. ]

Everything you guys have done, it's ruined people's heads, their ability to trust, to love; it's taken people's will to even live.

A lot of people may want to stay but they may never forgive you for what you've done for your own sakes.

I don't expect forgiveness.

[Let's at least get that part clear. Fear is quiet, considering her words.]

I don't want to use your people when I don't have to. I think many of us feel the same. I'm not proposing that we put all this behind us, I-

[It's a tricky thing to offer in the first place, and ultimately, only relevant if they succeed in not dying horribly, which seems a little far-fetched at the moment. Still, it's a possibility that he hadn't really considered before, mostly because he'd been so focused on survival. What would coexistence even look like?]

-it's just an option.

Could you apologize? Is that an option that's on there, too? Not everyone will forgive what you guys have done but, fuck, just... [ She runs her fingers through her hair, her frustration coming out physically. ]

I don't even know anymore. It doesn't really matter. Nothing does.

I could.

[He sounds sympathetic- less of but I'm not going to, and more of but what would that accomplish?]

Would you even want me to?

NPC Inbox: Fear

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