lingeringfear | NPC Inbox: Fear

[ Sharon notices the way he looks away and the set of his jaw, taking the look as clearly not interested in arguing something he may see as ridiculous (or maybe it was her who didn't want an answer to such a statement). ]

You realize I'd have to do something to earn their trust, don't you? I'm not saying I want to do this just so I can turn around and fuck you and everyone I've ever come to care about over. [ She feels as if she's saying too much, giving away too much, but the words come toppling out one after another, her tongue unwilling to quit. ]

I've got things I've never even dreamed about here. [ She throws her hands in the air a moment before they fall back to her sides ] Fuck, I think this is the first time since I was fifteen that I've been in a single place for more than a year; since I got to be me and not some fucking invisible person with a dead girl's name.

I fucking hate the things you guys do to us but this is the only place I've found a home in and I am not about to let some stupid, unfeeling robots try and destroy some of the only good things I've ever had!

I know, Sharon-

[He takes a small step forward- like maybe he's going to reach out to her, reassure her in some way... but that would offset the balance between them, turn this into something else, and so he holds himself back, steels himself, and nods once.]

I know.

[More firm this time. Fear lets the silence stretch for a moment.]

...if we can make it through this- if we can survive, escape somehow, I know that Hope wants to resurrect the other hosts. We'll have power from them and we won't need to torment all of you anymore. If that happens, [And that's a big if, but they both know how slim their chances are here-] -maybe you could stay. With your friends.

[It's something to imagine anyway, some odd future to hope for and move toward, and if they can get themselves aligned with the same goal, then there's less chance of betrayal on either side.]

With us.

[ Every muscle in Sharon tenses when he moves forward, preparing herself for anything—every possibility slamming through her head, most of them ill, but she knows what Fear was more likely going to do and she's uncertain if that bothers her more or less than the nightmare scenarios she creates in her head.

It's clear that their relationship has changed, evolved, but Sharon isn't sure how, why, or if that's a good thing or not. ]

Why would Sorrow not want to use us if we're here? Your previous hosts weren't the same as we were, right? Couldn't produce the same amount of emotional output as we can? [ She wants to hope for that kind of future. Sure, she'd miss her dad, but he's safe now. She could find happiness here, even if it means looking past what's been done (if she even can). ]

[He shakes his head.]

They could provide more than you, and without all of these manipulations. That's the reason we put you through these trials- to force you to feel at the sort of magnitude that our previous hosts gave us freely.

[He can't blame her for the misconception, though- himself and the other gods have been quiet when it came to the previous hosts. There's a lot of pain in that direction, a lot of guilt, a lot of despair. Hope moreso than anyone else, but Fear loved them too, and it still feels like an open wound.]

Sorrow could be convinced to leave you alone- especially if he's already getting his power elsewhere. When we're not clamoring for it, we have no desire to accumulate an excess.

[ She can't see anyone or anything giving up their wounds and pains, joys and desires, up so freely but what does she know other than what humans do. Perhaps those hosts were happy where they were at. Or perhaps Fear is lying (Never trust him, she can hear Cecily whisper in her ear). ]

I'm curious: why do you need power? Right now, it's to keep out of the Null's hands. Why do you need power? To create? Or just to exist? [ This may seem off topic but she's loosened up quite a bit, brows drawn down as she reads his face. He says they could be free to live but Sharon has always been the cautious, paranoid sort of girl. ]

In general?

[Fear purses his lips curiously.]

Creation, yes. Our hosts were not as self reliant as you. Hope cured their wounds, Sorrow provided food for them, Tranquility and Confusion built homes for them- all manner of things.

[It really was the perfect sort of match- a species with limited ability to care for themselves capable of freely offering power to the type of beings that could care for them. One has to wonder if it was always like that, or if there was a sort of evolution that happened to allow them to coexist more seamlessly.

Fear doesn't know. It's not like there's any written records.]

We took care of them with the power they gave us. Though I'll admit that some of us had more responsibilities and were more prominent than others. [He offers her a wry smile.] Hope and I were pretty overlooked before it fell to us to save everyone.

[ The previous hosts sound... dull but, if it's what worked for them, if it was mutual, then that's all right. It hasn't really been mutual between many of them since Fear opened the Door. She worries her lower lip with her teeth and can taste the dull mint after taste of mouthwash (luuucky find). ]

You'd think you and Hope would be the most prominent of them all. It's what drives humanity. Hope, Fear, Love.

They weren't like you.

[Though that's probably clear by now. Talking about the hosts is sad though, and so Fear takes a moment to reflect on the conversation, on the differences between their former companions and these strange creatures.]

Love, though- Love was stronger then.

[ She rolls her eyes at him. She was more than well aware that the previous hosts weren't like them but that thing on Love gives her a moment to consider what that meant or means. Love is a natural emotion that humans have when certain conditions are met. Most love comes from being part of a family that cares. Then you've got the more special versions, like what she holds for Mello.

Sherlock Syndrome, too. Is that where her affection and care for Fear comes from? Has she been here so long her brain's finally decided to screw her? ]

Yeah, I imagine it would be when you have your family and people you care for by your side instead of absolute strangers and the constant knowing that tomorrow you could hate them or hurt them or love them. Plus, it's not like love is what keeps you out of the hands of your enemy.

All of this is true.

[He nods, solemn.]

We were a community. Not like we are with you- someday, maybe, if enough of you want to stay.

I think most of us would rather stay here, where the people we love can still live, but not if you... not if you just want us here as extras for your survival; not if we're just here to be used, not again. We need honesty and... and, fuck, I don't know.

[ Her gaze lands on the smooth stone. ]

Everything you guys have done, it's ruined people's heads, their ability to trust, to love; it's taken people's will to even live.

A lot of people may want to stay but they may never forgive you for what you've done for your own sakes.

I don't expect forgiveness.

[Let's at least get that part clear. Fear is quiet, considering her words.]

I don't want to use your people when I don't have to. I think many of us feel the same. I'm not proposing that we put all this behind us, I-

[It's a tricky thing to offer in the first place, and ultimately, only relevant if they succeed in not dying horribly, which seems a little far-fetched at the moment. Still, it's a possibility that he hadn't really considered before, mostly because he'd been so focused on survival. What would coexistence even look like?]

-it's just an option.

Could you apologize? Is that an option that's on there, too? Not everyone will forgive what you guys have done but, fuck, just... [ She runs her fingers through her hair, her frustration coming out physically. ]

I don't even know anymore. It doesn't really matter. Nothing does.

I could.

[He sounds sympathetic- less of but I'm not going to, and more of but what would that accomplish?]

Would you even want me to?

NPC Inbox: Fear

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