lingeringfear | NPC Inbox: Fear

[When she hears about what happens, it's hard to think of what to say. The overwhelming sense of guilt weighs on her, on top of the desire to chase something happy, to feel something worthwhile. Alphys has spent a lot of her life chasing a dream of being content, pleased, passionate-- but she also knows that if she's going to be happy, it means making those hard decisions and doing something about it.

So she shows up to Fear's temple- she almost never speaks to him, not knowing what to say- with her head bowed up to the altar. Her normal state is pretty fearful, so the atmosphere doesn't hit her as heavily as it might others. What's a little more anxiety to a terminally nervous person?]

It... uhm. I just wanted t-to, come and...

[Alphys looks up, looking around to see if he's even here.]

Are you okay? After all this?

[There's a long silence before Fear steps out of one of the shadows along the wall on his temple- clearly having materialized there from nothing when he heard her there. It's difficult to get a good read on him at the best of times, but the usual cynicism seems gone from his mood.]

'All this'? You mean bringing Delight to her death?

[A pause. Fear offers a noncommittal shrug, his mouth in a thin line as he looks off into the distance, as if in thought.]

I was one of the ones who voted to kill her in the first place. Dead then or dead now, it's- it makes no difference.

[She wears a bit at the inside of her cheek, not really sure what she's doing here- what she can do here. Was this to comfort him? To comfort herself?]

I... w-well, yeah, I just... I think it was different then.

[Alphys goes to take a step forward, and then stops herself.]

I just don't... I don't think it was the same. And I wanted to say I'm sorry, for, for suggesting everything, to putting you all in danger, and I feel... k-kind of responsible. In it. And I wanted to see if you were okay.

You weren't.

[Responsible, he means. Fear isn't normally this cold, but- it's been a trying couple of days, hasn't it? It's difficult for him to suss out just how he feels about this whole thing and it's easier to be dismissive.]

There was no happy ending for her, no matter what happened. She knew that- she had a long time in isolation to come to terms with it. She...

[Fear pauses there, and for a moment he doesn't look particularly solid. He fades, wavering- weakened by the trip, yes, but also by what happened. It's too easy to be angry, or to be cold. It's harder to remember the kind of being she was before this stupid war.]

...when the Null first attacked our city, her and Rage and Love decided to take a stand. She was one of the strongest of us, and heartbroken by what had happened to our hosts. I think she thought that she couldn't die, that she was going to get revenge and it was all going to work out. What happened to her- it changed her. I think that part of her never really came back from that first death.

[She goes to reach out to him as he flickers, a momentary fear she's destabalized him somehow, that she may be responsible for another outcome she didn't intend. But what he says is... unexpected. Honestly, Alphys didn't expect him to talk to her, and especially not like this. It gives her pause, causing her to grip her hands together at her chest and take a slightly heavier breath.

He looks like Asgore, mournfully talking about the children whose souls he took. She thinks, perhaps, this is almost the same. Alphys knows she was different too when she stepped off the edge and ended up here.

She speaks without meaning to.]

Death changes a l-lot about you. I think no matter what.

[But can it make you better? Or does it just make you feel invulnerable?

Alphys shifts a hand across her body to grip at her bicep.]

I wish I could have done more for her. When we talked, after the first Null attack... I j-just wanted to help. Make her happy. But she had already fallen down. Didn't think anything could get better.

[He probably won't get that term, but she isn't thinking about that.]

She was sure. That's something admirable about her.

[He's quiet, reflective. The two of them may not have always seen eye to eye, their differences were too great, even in her deception... but she always had a surety to her that he envied- strange that he would, being what he was.]

She never hesitated. Once she made up her mind, there'd be no stopping her.

[Fear sighs, shaking his head.]

I don't know if that's a good or bad thing, but it's something most of us lack.

[She nods in response; that, they can agree on. It's a trait she always admired in Undyne, the conviction to keep moving. It's something she's tried to find in herself. It's still not something she's sure she has.]

I think she knew herself well. But... m-maybe it's hard to know you and what you want.

[Alphys isn't really sure why she's doing this, what she hopes to gain or even do. She just felt like someone needed to. Maybe that's just how it goes.]

I just wanted you to know you're not alone. And I don't think anybody blames you. It's hard, but, uhm... you did your best.

NPC Inbox: Fear

backdated to 2/25

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